Britain revealed as multi-cultural country with a long history of invasion and conquest.
In shocking news today, it was revealed by incredibly clever historians, that the ancient Briton no longer exists!
It’s also claimed that they haven’t actually existed as a pure race for over a thousand years.
These shocking revelations, that the sovereign people of this country, are in actual fact, a diverse racially and culturally mixed society was received with dread by the editors at the Daily Express.
“This could ruin us!”
The Daily Mail were informed, that amongst others, the Italians, Germans, Danes and French had invaded our country over the years and had actually stayed and bred with our women!
To add insult to injury, these rotten invaders had also built loads of stuff all over our land and had infiltrated our culture with all sorts of foreign ideas.
The Daily Mail are said to be reconsidering thier recent xenophobic EU report in the light of these startling revelations.
One Daily Mail journalist is claimed to have stated “It’s almost as if we’re actually related to Europe - as if we may actually need them.”
Another is claimed to have said “We’ve got it all wrong - for years and years we’ve been touting our xenophobic approach to Britain, yet all along, we’ve been living in this multi-cultural society! How could we have been so wrong? I’ve recently found out that my family tree reveals I’m half German! Ye Gads!”
Wisdom is carefully applied memory, which is where things get a bit scary when it comes to New Years celebrations.
The fact that I no longer wake up on New Years Day with a hangover the size of FInland could be attributed to being that little bit wiser.
I’m not a great fan of New Year celebrations. In years gone by, I recall a desperate scrabble to find the coolest venue - a near suicidal act with one aim “I must enjoy myself, I must party.”
Copious amounts of alcohol would be consumed, other mind-altering substances would be added to the mix.
As the the hour approached, inebriated people would attempt to syncronise their frazzled brains with the passing of minutes and seconds. As the final seconds ticked down, a subtle process would play itself out. An alignment of ‘favourites’, who to hug and/or kiss first.
10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3, 2 , 1 - Happy New Year!
Loads of noise, shouting, singing, clinking - and all at once, everything is happy and good - smiling faces, hugs & kisses, positive energy.
If wisdom had served me well in times gone by, that would be the moment to leave the party. Go out on a high. Bid my leave and climb, most happily, into bed, ready to wake up in the New Year with a steady hand, head and stomach.
Wisdom often had other ideas and could be found skulking in the corner muttering “don’t say I didn’t warn you” as the small hours of New Years morning witnessed the carnage of half empty glasses, overflowing ashtrays, crisps crushed into carpets & paralytic slow dancers drooling all over each other and the dance floor.
Been there, done that, lost the braincells.
These days, things are different.
New Years should be, quite simply, a celebration with loved ones - it matters not a whit what went before or what will come after, what matters is that your together.
Happy New Year!
